


R.S.V.P.

by astronomony



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, M/M, Ryden, a lot of cussing, im proud of this one, theres some drinking, uh longer than my last one so thats good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6264535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astronomony/pseuds/astronomony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan opens his eyes as he lowers his arms half way and then drops them completely when he sees who he’s staring at. “What the fuck.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	R.S.V.P.

**Author's Note:**

> here is my second attempt at fic writing and i am also proud of this one!!  
> it's angsty but i love it and i hope you do too

There’s a knock at the door and Ryan groans to himself before getting up to answer it. _It’s 3 in the fucking morning who on earth is at my house what the hell._ Ryan trudged towards the door, Dottie right behind him.

“Alright listen,” Ryan says as he opens the door and closes his eyes to yawn and stretch. “If you’re here to rob me or kill me for something, I have nothing to give. I mean, except my dog, but don’t be a douche and take her.” Ryan opens his eyes as he lowers his arms half way and then drops them completely when he sees who he’s staring at. “What the fuck.” It’s more of a statement than a question

“Hi.” Brendon Urie is stood opposite of Ryan, in the crisp air. “Um, can I?” Brendon gestures to some space just behind Ryan.

Ryan considers saying ‘no’ and slamming the door in Brendon’s face, but he isn’t that petty. He invites him in with an arm gesture and Brendon gives a courtesy nod before stepping in and looking around. Ryan’s mind is racing with a million and one possibilities as to why Brendon’s here. He steps around Brendon and walks into his kitchen, assuming Brendon’ll follow – he does.

“Why?” Is all Ryan says as he grabs four beers and hands two to Brendon.

“I – I just um, it’s complicated.” Brendon licks his lips nervously and holds up the beers. “Why?”

Ryan gives a short laugh, “You’re here, at my house,” Ryan gestures around with one arm, “At three in the morning. If you want to have a good conversation with me, I’m going to need to be liquored up.” _Also, it’ll be easier to blame whatever I do on the alcohol._ “C’mon.” He nudges Brendon’s arm with one of his beers and they head towards Ryan’s living room where they sit down on the couch.

Ryan sits at one end of the couch, Brendon on the other. The four beers mirroring Ryan and Brendon. Ryan leans forward and uses his bottle opener to pop the cap off of his beer and looks to Brendon before doing the same to his. Ryan downs half of his beer within 30 seconds, Brendon downs half in 45.

“Okay, now tell me why you’re here.” Ryan wipes his mouth and sets the bottle on the table. He turns to face Brendon and sits with his legs crisscrossed.

“I had a wedding. A while ago.” Brendon says as he finishes off his first beer. _We’re gonna need more than two each._

“I know.” Ryan states, void of emotion.

“I invited you.”

“I know.”

“You never sent in your R.S.V.P.” Brendon says and fiddles with a loose seam on the couch.

“I know.” Brendon shoots Ryan a look. “Is that why you’re here? Because I didn’t come to your wedding?”

“Yes and no.” Brendon shrugs and brings his knees up into his chest.

They sit quietly as Ryan waits for Brendon to continue; he doesn't. Ryan is starting to slightly feel the alcohol in him and runs through things he can say to fill the silence. 

“Alright look, no offense to you and Sonja—”

“Sarah.”

_I know. You know I know_. “Sorry. No offense to you and Sarah,” Ryan says her name carefully as if he’d cut himself from saying it. “But your wedding was the last place I wanted to be. Still wouldn’t go if it was being held tomorrow.”

“Ryan…”

“I honestly don’t even know why you invited me. Did you want me to see that you had moved on? To see how far you’d come without me weighing you down?” Ryan opens his second beer and takes a sip and then holds it between his hands.

“I don’t know why I invited you either. Sarah even knew it was risky. She told me not to, you know.”

“Should’ve listened. You never were a good listener.”

“I know.”

“Brendon, we haven’t talked in years. I thought you hated me. I hated you.” Ryan peels the label off his beer slowly.

“I did hate you, believe me. But for some reason, I felt like I needed you at the wedding. I felt like if you came, it would be okay. We would be okay.” Brendon opens his second beer and takes a few sips before setting it back down.

“You wanted my approval?” Ryan takes another sip. _Hell no_. “Because if that’s what you want, I’m not going to give it to you." Ryan ignores the way Brendon's eyebrows rise up quickly. "I honestly don't like the reality that you have moved on from me and fallen in love with someone else while I’m still stuck on you. I’m stuck in fucking 2008.”

“Y—you’re ‘stuck’ on me?” Brendon takes another several big gulps of beer.

_Way to fucking go, Ryan_. “Yeah,” He admits quietly. No point in hiding it now. “I am.” He’s picking off the remaining fragments of the beer label as he says it.

“I think I know what I wanted,” Brendon says in a hushed tone. Ryan looks up. “I think I wanted you to stop me. I think I wanted to be with you. I wanted you to show you still cared.”

“Oh.”  _So many things, Brendon. You want so many different things, you need to decide._

“Yeah.”

“Sorry I didn’t R.S.V.P,” Ryan says. Brendon knows he isn’t sorry about that. He’s sorry he didn’t stop it. He’s sorry that he wasn’t there to do what they both wanted.

The silence that falls is heavy. Like a blanket, blocking out all outside noise. They just stare at each other. Ryan likes Brendon’s glasses and thinks that they would look great on his nightstand right next to the framed picture of the band from their Pretty. Odd. tour. He also thinks Brendon would look great in his bed.

“Ryan…” Brendon pleads.

They had scooted closer to each other. When did that happen? Ryan doesn’t care, he just leans in and meets Brendon half way. He snaps his eyes closed and just leans into Brendon. Their lips moving together, moving in sync as if the eight years of nothing hadn’t even happened. Brendon leans back and Ryan follows him. Brendon tastes like weed and mint and Ryan likes it. It’s unique and very Brendon.

Ryan takes the lead and opens his mouth and swipes his tongue against Brendon, signaling him to do the same. Brendon obliges and moans as he brings his hands up to Ryan’s hips. They stay like that for a while, lazily kissing and falling back eight years. It's calm and sloppy, but good. It's _right_. Ryan smiles as he imagines mornings being like this; lazily kissing Brendon without a care in the world.

It's over all too soon; when Ryan’s hand strays towards Brendon’s underwear, the spell is broken.

Brendon shoots up and shoves Ryan off him.

“Dammit!” Brendon yells and puts his head in his hands, shaking it back and forth. Ryan stays quiet. He fucked up. He fucked Brendon up once again. Why does he do this. “Fuck!” Brendon throws one of the bottles and Ryan feels a bit of anger flare up, but he quiets it and resolves to the fact that that isn’t the first bottle to be thrown in this house.

Brendon stands up suddenly. Ryan’s head snaps around as he watches him get up. _No. No no no no no n o._ Brendon says nothing, but he walks towards the front door. Ryan hurriedly follows after him, slipping around a bit on the hardwood floors, gripping walls in order to stay upright. Panic sending a cold rush through him as he chases after Brendon. 

“Brendon!” Ryan calls after him as Brendon reaches the front door and has his hand on the handle. “Please.” Ryan isn't sure why he’s saying please. He doesn’t know what he expects to get. He knows how this is going to end. “Don’t go.”

Brendon shakes his head and opens the door and steps out into the cold air. “Bye, Ryan,” He says before leaving. Ryan shivers in his doorway as he watches Brendon walk away for the last time. Ryan feels his eyes stinging, so he turns around and slams the door.

“God fucking dammit!” Ryan screams into his empty house. His house that’s too large for one person and too empty to be this big. “I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!” Ryan screams as he drops to his knees and bends over and cries. _You fucked up Ryan. You fucked up yet again. You fucked Brendon up again. When will you learn to leave him alone. Pathetic_. “I know.” Ryan sobs and doesn’t move as Dottie comes over and tries to lick the tears off his face. “This is the worst thing I’ve ever done to him,” Ryan admits to nobody.

Ryan cries and cries and eventually crying turns to sniffling and in the end, Ryan’s just laying on his bed sniffling, looking at the nightstand where he had pictured Brendon’s pretty glasses. He just wants to be held, but everyone is gone. He keeps staring at the Pretty. Odd. picture. He grabs it and studies it for a moment before throwing the picture across the room.

Shattered. Just like him.

He looks to one shard that fell away from the rest.

Alone. Just like him.

**Author's Note:**

> alrighty well leave feedback (if you'd like) by commenting or through my tumblr (ryahross.tumblr.com)  
> thanks for reading!!


End file.
